Sunday, September 21, 2008

Is levity endemic to Australia?

Megan (a.k.a. Flergs) is a digital scrapbooking designer down under whose blogs I follow. She posted this recently after receiving it in her e-mail inbox. The comments about the drop bear and hippo racing had me laughing out loud.

This bit of levity looks like it has been flitting about the Internet for a while. Supposedly, the questions below were posted to an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.

Australian Tourism
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actualresponses by the website officials.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)
A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Australia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Austria is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in America which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

5 comments:

Scott Nolan said...

I think I accomplished two things whilst reading this treasure:

- I woke up all our overnight guests
- I wet myself laughing so hard

Thank you...

Miriam said...

holy crap, Chris and I just knocked over our coffee cups... that was awesome!!

IsDihara said...

Thanks, Scott. Glad you enjoyed the Aussie humor.

(Although I must admit, no one has ever thanked me for causing them to wet their pants before.)

IsDihara said...

Ditto to Miriam and Chris. Good humor is always worth sharing!

Annie said...

Ondigo occasionally makes noises about emigrating to New Zealand. I thing Oz would suit him better :)